I don’t have it in me to write this story for awhile.
Perhaps I will come back to the story again, when I am further removed from the heartache.
In the meantime, my heart has atrophied, and I have nothing left to give. I have no idea how to live with what seems like the ending, and I cannot rewrite it on my own.
I find myself unable to recount anything about today except the way his lips tasted the very last time I kissed him.
The way his felt body felt pressed against mine as I held onto him for dear life and cried.
The way the skin fold at the back of his head smiled even as his face did not.
The way I made a total fool of myself, trying to be close to him one more time.
The way he was hurting so badly, he couldn’t continue to look me in the eyes for the first time since I’ve known him.
This morning, I thought I saw a sign. I don’t generally believe in signs, but it couldn’t be a coincidence that I unknowingly ended up in the same place I was when he opened his heart and soul to me two years ago, could it?
I took my sign. I shared it with him. And I told him just how much I love him.
When I saw him, I ran to him, I embraced him, and I held him tighter than I ever had before. I was ready for whatever he had in store for us, until he actually said what he had come to say. It was not at all what I expected.
I know my heart missed a beat. I know my lungs could not take in air. I know my stomach wanted to evacuate what little was in it. I know I died the moment he told me.
The song says, “My heart will go on.” I really don’t know how it will. I really don’t know how I will ever be happy in this life or the next, with anyone who isn’t him. I don’t know anything except it feels like I have lost him forever.
My best friend. My Man in the Moon. The love of my life. My One and Only…. I will love him, Always and Forever.