More of the Same…

Every night it’s the same:
I lie awake unable to close my eyes, except to gather my tears and push them down the well-worn trails on my face.

Every night it’s the same:
I remember the things you said, the way you looked at me, the way you touched me, the way you loved me.

Every night it’s the same:
I hope I will awaken to your call, that I will hear your voice again, and you will tell me everything is going to be okay.

Every night it’s the same:
I pray for the strength to let you go gracefully, compassionately, reminding myself: I asked for this.

Every night it’s the same:
I miss you like an addict: trembling, longing for one more look, one more word, one more hit of you.

Every night it’s the same:
I die a little bit with every slumber. There are only so many beats in a heart, and you have them all, you are my heart.

Breathe, Baby Girl

You reminded me to breathe,
Full and deep.
I didn’t even realize I was holding my breath,
But you knew.
And you’d say,
“Baby Girl, I need you to breathe.”

Loving you and being loved by you,
Was breathtaking in every way.

I lie here, gasping for air.
You forgot to remind me;
You don’t need me to breathe anymore.
I’m suffocating,
I’m drowning,
You took my breath away.

Image of Skylar Grey, I Need a Doctor

No More

I can no longer bear the weight of this broken heart;
This obstinate mistress, who insists upon loving you.
Fast or slow, your name was the rhythm she beat,
And there was love and passion and fire unfathomable…
You were the lifeblood she drank.

 

Now you are gone, she is barely able to drum up an existence.
Her pulse is an erratic and desperate murmur.
She churns and burns and soaks my pillow in torrential tears
And infinite torment, until she decides to beat no more…
May that day come swiftly.

A Story to Tell

A glooming peace this morning with it brings;
The sun, for sorrow, will not show his head:
Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things:
Some shall be pardon’d, and some punished:
For never was a story of more woe
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo.

~Shakespeare

 

Perhaps…

 

I will go back and tell the story of this love affair. I will flesh it out and share the endless pages written for you, about you, and to you, with this big, wide world. I will write of the pain and the heartache, as well as the times love felt more luminous than moonlight, more golden than the sun, and richer than the earth beneath our feet.

 

Love so big and eternal, it seemed as though it would reach well beyond infinity. I will tell of believing in a soulmate for the first time ever, and having no doubt two people could actually be made for each other. How perfectly two people understood each other, appreciated each other’s differences and sameness, and how the sex was like a hand in a custom-made glove. I will tell this love story in the weeks ahead, but before I do, I will spoil the ending.

 

I will tell you now that there will come a moment when the air is stolen from the lungs, the heart is ripped from the chest, the soul is strangled, mangled, and left to wither, my legs were knocked out from underneath me, and now I am nothing more than a heap of bone and flesh in a puddle of salt water tears and devastation.

 

I will spoil the ending because I don’t want anyone to go into this story with the hope that it will have a happy ending. I don’t want to mislead anyone. It is not a love story, or a romantic comedy, though all those moments happened. It is an epic tragedy. A soul crushing experience, that will either make you laugh or cry at the absurdity of the players who thought they could act out this fantasy and make it last forever.

 

So while you may know how this love story ends, it is just the beginning of the tale…

 

Image by inthelaurels on Deviant Art