Crazy for You

He never promised her he’d leave. But many times, more than she can count, he said he wished she was there or he were here or they were together.

He often said, that somehow, one day, before he died, he’d find a way for them to be together.

He even made a video once that said he had to “figure this out cuz I’m gonna go crazy if I can’t have you.”

A few times he said somehow, one day he would change her last name.

He told her once or twice, that he almost packed a bag and showed up at her door. Including the day he went up north.

So while she knows he never promised her he would leave and be with her, (except that day he came to her work), he said plenty of things, plenty of times that alluded to him doing whatever it would take to be with her.

And she? She allowed herself to believe him and get her hopes up.

She is over here going crazy knowing what she promised him today. She needed to remind herself that she isn’t crazy for thinking it could happen. That she didn’t make it up or just wish for it.

She remembers now. She is not crazy. She didn’t make these things up. She documented them. Kept every video, wrote down every word and treasured them in her heart and memory. Because it was all she wanted. He is all she has ever wanted.

But he’s right, she’s sick. She’s on the verge of being critically ill if she doesn’t get her shit together. And the person she needs to get it together for isn’t him, it’s her.

It’s damned hard though… because… Fuck! She loves him. She loves him like she’s never loved anyone. And she knows she will never love or be loved like this again. How does she just stop wanting that for them?

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Under the Moon

She just went out and looked at the moon.

It was exquisite. There was a ring of clouds that had opened up just to frame its perfectly full face. The shining clouds formed a silver halo all around it. It was mesmerizing, actually.

She sat there, thinking about him and all he has going on. She hopes he knows how much she loves and appreciates her Man in the Moon.

She hopes he sleeps well, has the sweetest of dreams, and most of all, that he feels her love as she pours it out, under the moon, for him.

May it wash over him, and revive his body and soul. Her heart belongs to the Moon.

The Bay

She finally figured out why The Bay is home.

It’s where she met him.

It’s where she first fell in love soul deep.

Her heart and soul belong to The Bay, because the Bay is where she made the connection.

Those overcast skies, crowded streets, and all the eclectic peoples.

Yep, The Bay still feels like home, because he is The Bay to her.

He is everything she loved about the Bay then and everything she loves about it now.

He’s always going to be her home.

And she will be waiting, sitting on the the dock of The Bay for him to return to her.

Til the Day I Die

She had never looked at her ex-husband and thought, You know, if this doesn’t work out, if this man one day decides he no longer wants me, I will continue loving him til the day I die.

She has only ever felt that for her One. And she feels it poignantly when she hasn’t spoken to him for a few days.

The hours slither slowly by, the clock seems to barely tick. Three lengthy, drawn out days of no voice conversation. Her heart aches for his laughter. Her body craves his low tones. Her mind is eager to share everything with him once more.

But as time goes on, she begins to overthink, to worry, and to make up scenarios in her head.

The thing is, even when she does those ridiculous things in the delirium of missing him, she is still able to say to herself, in unquestionable honesty and loyalty, You know, even if things don’t work out with him, even if he wakes up tomorrow and just doesn’t want me anymore, he is still MY ONE, and I will love him til the day I die.

Too Easy to Love

He is far too easy to love.

The loving comes naturally, authentically, and simply.

He is far too easy to laugh with.

Laughter rolls out and through and around them, enveloping them in their very own silly humor.

He is far too easy to forgive.

She knows that, like her, he is not perfect, but she just can’t stay mad at him. Can’t stop herself from forgiving him. Can’t keep herself from trying again and again.

They are far too compatible sexually.

There is nothing she would say no to when it comes to him. He has already introduced her to the best sex of her life. She is free to experiment with him and loves every minute of it.

He is far too easy to talk to.

Even now, with limited talk time, they get carried away. They lose track and have to cut conversation short. And before? They talked for hours on end about anything, everything, and nothing.

He is, plainly put, her soul mate.

Her other half, her other self, her One and only. The man she was made for. Her body a perfect complement to his. Their minds and souls the balance they need.

All of which makes living without him the hardest fucking thing in the world.

 

Too Good

She doesn’t even know what he means when he says she is too good to him. It almost makes her feel like she did or is doing something wrong or foolish the way she loves him.

How can she be TOO GOOD to the man she loves? Is she playing herself?

If anything, she isn’t good enough. Not for lack of trying or desire, but because she can’t love him and be good to him the way she wants.

If only he knew what she would be like every single day. To wake up next to her, make love, make coffee and breakfast, see him off to work with a packed lunch.

To come through a door at the end of the day and meet his arms, with kisses and pressed bodies and hunger. To feed his body and his soul food.

To spend the evenings cuddled up, going for walks, going on dates, staring at the moon together, making love until much too late. Then waking up to do it all again.

And Sundays? Spend all day in bed, half dressed or not at all. Watching football, letting homemade sauce simmer all day. Cuddling, kissing, making plans, fucking, napping.

Too good isn’t a real thing when it comes to the way she loves him. She loves him as she was made to love him. She loves him the way he deserves to be loved. She loves him the only way she knows how.

Too good? Nah, it’s just right.