Birthday Wish

Wow. An impromptu birthday date. He found a little hole in the wall, classic drive-thru style place with burgers, fries, and shakes. It was raining so they went inside to order rather than order at the window. He held the door open for her, and she couldn’t help smiling. After they ordered, she stepped out to use the restroom. When she returned, he was sitting at the last table in the back.

He pulled out the chair next to him, encouraging her to sit there rather than across from him. She smiled again as she thought to herself, she would have chosen that seat even if he hadn’t pulled the chair out. She loves being close to him.

They sat there side by side, kissing, cuddling, laughing… just being together. She held onto his leg and smiled into his face. She got up to get the drinks when they were ready and he got up for the food. They work together so fluidly, they don’t even have to discuss it. It’s intuitive and natural.

The burgers were juicy, the fries were crisp, the whole scene was delightfully reminiscent of a place they both knew back in the day. She laid her head on his shoulder and just soaked him up. She was in heaven. He always made her feel that way, but this day was different. They were a real couple, even if just for a little while.

They talked some more before finishing up. She didn’t ever want to leave his side again. Despite her nervousness, it felt so perfect sitting there sharing lunch with him, talking about the pictures of the classic cars on the walls, looking up things to show each other on their phones. If she could have had one wish, she would have asked the birthday gods to grant her that this man be all hers for the rest of her life.

He held the door for her again and she tried not to grin like an idiot. He kissed her and wished her a happy birthday before they got in their cars. It was indeed the happiest birthday she had had in years, and all they had done so far was talk, drive, and eat.

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Change

Today she poured out her heart, her soul, her fears, her hopes, and  her dreams to him, then she had a revelation:

He is too afraid of change to make the move to be with her. He is no coward, believe that. And fear of change isn’t cowardice, it’s human nature. But he will not disrupt his life or his family to be with her; the change is too much for him to bear.

Honestly, she can’t blame him. She probably would have felt the same if her husband hadn’t left. But in his leaving, she discovered how long and deep she had been miserable. It was soul crushing misery. It took her very identity from her and made her into someone she never thought she could be.

No one should have to live so unhappily. She realized that when he left, so rather than beg him to stay, to work it out, to see it through, she let him go, and began seeking her own happiness and her true self.

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Now she is in love with the man of her dreams, the man she has wanted her whole life, the man who is perfect for her and for whom she is perfect. Perfect in all ways, save one…

And so she must decide where to go from here, and she must do it on her own. She knows he will not help her decide. She fears he will not make a change. She knows her heart will never recover from that. She is terrified he will stay where he is, because it feels safer than the unknown; even if he is unhappy there.

She really has no more time to be unhappy these days; life is too precious and too short.

Yes, she loves him. Yes, she wants him. But she has to accept and believe that she does not need him. It will kill her if she thinks otherwise. She has to trust she can make it on her own even if she has no one to share her life with anymore or ever again. The thought scares her shitless, but she is stronger than she thinks, and she can do this alone. In fact, she already does.

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Dreams

She dreams she has her arms around him. Holding him tightly, like her life depends on being tangled up with him.

She hopes that the plans made in their yesterdays stand firm and come to fruition in their tomorrows.

She wishes she could look into his eyes right this minute, and see herself there. Place her lips on his and taste what love is.

She longs to have him now and forever, every day and every night, in her arms, in her bed, in her body.

She believes he is the only man who matches her soul, that he alone is her soulmate, her One.

She knows she seems impatient and impulsive, passionate and intense, but she just doesn’t know any other way to love him.

She wonders if this is all naïveté and if she has lost her mind to her obsession, her addiction to him.

She waits, longing for all she has dreamt of, waits for it to come to fruition, waits and dreams.

Beyond Love

Beyond in love, how do I describe this feeling?

Being with you sends my head reeling.

You are all I think about, you’re all I dream of;

You light up the darkness, my moon above.

I can hardly wait to hear your voice and all its charms.

I count down the seconds until I can fall in your arms.

You are my world, my best friend, my only One,

You are everything I desire; second to none.

 

Round Two

He walked inside and kissed her. It was the first thing he did as she said hello. The last time he was here, he couldn’t stop fidgeting from nervousness. He seemed much more comfortable this time.

She had just gotten out of the shower and was only wearing her robe. He followed her to her room and began to undress. She sat on the edge of the bed and watched him. Oh, how she loves this man.

He laid her down and kissed her. Then he slowly peeled her out of her robe. He held her close as they laid in bed together skin to skin.

“I’m home,” he said.

“Me too,” she smiled at him.

They kissed and held each other tightly. He laid on his side and looked at her.

“Do you see it?”

She knew exactly what he meant. Earlier that week, she had sent him a picture of herself lying on her side in bed. She had written, When you are finally with me, this will be your view every morning. He was giving her the view she would have.

“I do see it.” She stared at him another moment before closing her eyes and kissing him again. This was the best feeling she had ever known, having him in her bed.

They did all sorts of things together for the next couple of hours. Things a lady doesn’t kiss and tell. But to put it simply, he brings out the bad girl, the freak, the sexual goddess in her and she loves every minute of it. The things he does to her body. The things she does to his. It’s magical. It’s unlike anything she has ever known. All she knows is she would try, she would DO, anything with this man.

They laughed together, talked to each other, made insanely passionate love, then laid together, his arms around her, her head on his chest. They laid there for who knows how long before she decided to capture the moment. She took two quick pictures of them, perfect and peaceful together. Beautiful.

They got up and got dressed. She could smell him all over her skin and room, his scent intoxicating as ever. She kissed him as they stood in her kitchen. She looked him in the eye and asked, “Are we really going to be together?”

“That’s exactly what I am working toward, baby.”

“I can hardly wait, my love.”

She walked him to the door and told him she loves him in all their special words and ways they do. He said them all too. She looked closely at him one more time, knowing she could not love anyone more than she loves this man. Her One. Always. Forever. Completely.

image by Steve K Art

 

Angel Heart

20 months ago…

I am your Angel, baby, just like you say;

The guardian of your irreplaceable heart.

Protecting and cherishing all you have given me;

I have always been yours from the start.

Let me bathe you in love so true,

Purest gold cannot compare.

Let me cleanse you, satisfy you, give you all;

My body and soul laid before you, bare.

From the caverns in my flash, to the corners of my mind,

Breathe deeply my essence and passionate fire.

Anything you want, escape into me;

Taste my love, my body, my desire.

Your Angel, yes, I am indeed,

As we reach climactic new heights,

Somewhere between this world and the heavens;

On the edge of day and the cusp of night.

You are my everything, my Lover and friend,

My One, the man of my dreams,

You are my hope for tomorrow, my peace with the past,

My exceptional man, eternally.

Seeing it Through

She has come to hate Sundays. She hates holidays. She hates every day she is not with him. And she hates herself for feeling this way.

He doesn’t know what it’s like to be here, waiting for him. How hard it is for her and how much she hurts.

So she waits for him to email, to call, to come to her door… The waiting kills her a little bit more every day. Inside, her heart and her hope break again and again. She has no one to blame but herself though. She knows the situation. She does it because she loves him.

She misses him every moment. She longs to be with him, to be the one he won’t live without. While he keeps on seeing it through, she keeps on living alone; without an end in sight.

But she finds herself wondering, and constantly asking herself, “Is love enough to see me through?”