New First Kiss

She still remembers the day she agreed to meet him. She knows the date, the day of the week, the time. She knows what she was wearing. She knows what he was wearing. She remembers what the weather was like and the exact place they parked. She remembers everything because it was one of the best moments of her life.

She couldn’t stop thinking about what it would be like to be alone with him again. She was bursting with nervous excitement as she drove. When she pulled in to pick him up, the side of her vehicle scraped the nearby tree branches. She couldn’t even drive into a parking space she was shaking so hard!

He had said he wanted to see her so they could talk and so he could give her a hug. He climbed into the passenger seat, and she gave him the most awkward hug from the driver’s  seat. “There,” she said. “There’s your hug.” He gave her an equally awkward pat-on-the-back kind of hug.

They were making small talk, when he suddenly hopped out of the vehicle. He walked around the front of the car and opened her door. When she paused, he told her he wanted a real hug. Her heart raced as she stepped out.

She put her arms around his neck, as he wrapped his arms around her waist, and pulled her body into his. He felt so safe, so familiar; she could have stayed there forever. He reached down and grabbed a handful of her ass, just like he used to. Perhaps he thought she didn’t like it, because he apologized and started to pull away.

She panicked. She didn’t want him to let go, didn’t want him leave. When she saw him the week before, she had fantasized about kissing him, but couldn’t do anything about it. Today, though, she couldn’t let him slip away. And she didn’t. She lifted his chin and kissed him before he could let go all the way.

It was a perfect kiss; everything she had been missing, better than she remembered. He kissed her back, softly at first, but as their mouths melted into each other’s, the kiss became more fervent. He pulled away again, but this time he didn’t apologize.

He opened her door and told her she’d better get back in the car. She knew what he meant by that. They had crossed a line. He had kissed her back, but she had surprised him, kissing him first. He didn’t think she would do that, but she knew she had to.

He got in the backseat instead of the front this time. She told him she wasn’t getting in the back with him. He said he knew that and didn’t expect her to. She took that moment to read aloud what she had written about reconnecting with him. He teased her about her reading glasses, but he hung on every word.

“Wow,” was all he managed to wistfully say.

He was talking now, showing her a side of him she had never seen before. He was being vulnerable. He choked up and got teary-eyed when he talked about the way he felt about her. The way he felt when she had ended things with him all those years ago. He told her what it did to him and how it had made him feel. He was devastated, he told her. But too “thug” to let her know it. Once again, she could hardly believe what she was hearing.

She couldn’t resist him like that. She had to be near him. She saw the look of shock on his face when she climbed into the back with him.  She sat right on his lap and kissed him again. He kissed her back, holding tightly to her waist; his fingers digging into her body. He slid his hands down to her thighs, and hiked up her skirt. Thankfully, she was wearing spanx and as he fumbled with them, she came to her senses.

“You wore those on purpose,” he grumbled as she pulled her body off his.

“I really didn’t,” she said as she climbed back into the front seat.

She wasn’t thinking clearly that day. In fact, she hadn’t been thinking clearly since he put his hands on her arms. She had been acting solely on impulse, driven by her intense desire for this man.

She explained to him that usually, she overthought EVERYTHING. But not that day. She had to know if he felt what she felt. She had to know if she was alone in her twenty-plus lost years. She had to know if she had made it all up.

She got her answers that day. The answers she had hoped for. She just didn’t know what to do with them now.

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