Angel Heart

20 months ago…

I am your Angel, baby, just like you say;

The guardian of your irreplaceable heart.

Protecting and cherishing all you have given me;

I have always been yours from the start.

Let me bathe you in love so true,

Purest gold cannot compare.

Let me cleanse you, satisfy you, give you all;

My body and soul laid before you, bare.

From the caverns in my flash, to the corners of my mind,

Breathe deeply my essence and passionate fire.

Anything you want, escape into me;

Taste my love, my body, my desire.

Your Angel, yes, I am indeed,

As we reach climactic new heights,

Somewhere between this world and the heavens;

On the edge of day and the cusp of night.

You are my everything, my Lover and friend,

My One, the man of my dreams,

You are my hope for tomorrow, my peace with the past,

My exceptional man, eternally.

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Seeing it Through

She has come to hate Sundays. She hates holidays. She hates every day she is not with him. And she hates herself for feeling this way.

He doesn’t know what it’s like to be here, waiting for him. How hard it is for her and how much she hurts.

So she waits for him to email, to call, to come to her door… The waiting kills her a little bit more every day. Inside, her heart and her hope break again and again. She has no one to blame but herself though. She knows the situation. She does it because she loves him.

She misses him every moment. She longs to be with him, to be the one he won’t live without. While he keeps on seeing it through, she keeps on living alone; without an end in sight.

But she finds herself wondering, and constantly asking herself, “Is love enough to see me through?”

Who He Is

She would come to him, stark naked in the pouring rain, if that’s what it took for him to know she loves him. There can be no doubt in his mind that she does.

He may be just a man, but he is the man she loves and adores, the man she respects and admires. The man she never ceased caring for since the moment she met him. The man she wishes she had been brave enough to hold onto.

He believes in her and affirms her in ways she never knew anyone could. He commends things she has done in her life that others have treated as inconsequential. He sees the potential and gifts she possesses and wants her to achieve her goals and fulfill her dreams.

The best part of it all though, is that she doesn’t love him based on what he does for her or to her. She loves him because he is HIM. He is smart and confident, strong and courageous. He is sexy and capable. He is genuine and patient. He makes love to her like he owns it, like her body was made only for him. He opens himself up to her and lets her see who he is deep inside.

And who he is is exceptional. He is her exceptional man. And she is head over heels for him.

All Her Life

All her life, she wanted nothing more than for someone to love her completely. Someone who knows her better than she knows herself. Someone who has seen the worst in her: the tears, the panic, the insecurity, the selfishness, the bitchiness, all of it, and chooses to see the good in her anyway. Someone who forgives her always. Someone who could talk to her and never tire of it because he loves the sound of her voice. Someone who appreciates her gifts, her talents, her offerings and actually encourages her to pursue them.

All her life she longed for the passion that was always missing. She wanted to understand why sex mattered so much, because she hadn’t experienced it in a way that had really shown her. She hadn’t known a voice alone could turn her on. She hadn’t known just two lips on hers could make her cum. She hadn’t known the chemistry between two people could take her body to heights unknown. She hadn’t known it could be free and wild and without shame.

She would not have guessed that person would be him though. She thought they had finished their business all those years ago. That hey had had their time, and had gone on with their lives. How could  she know he was the One for her all those years ago? How could she have let him slip through her fingers?

After all, she had been wanting and waiting for him all her life.

 

image by Edward Eggleston, 1933

Just to Love Him

She says again, without expectation or pretense, apology or redundancy, “I love you.”

Her intention this whole time, has been to love him. That is all she wants to do. She wants to love him more than she wants to do anything else. She wants to love him fully and completely. She wants to love him the way he deserves to be loved and the way she knows she can.

When they were kids and she loved him, it was small and cute, inexperienced and unsure. She honestly didn’t know what she had when she had him back then, and he wasn’t really into telling her how he felt either. She thought he saw her as a fuck buddy. She thought they were two people who liked to be with one another and who made each other laugh. But she had no idea, no clue that he loved her.

She loved him though, and the love she had for him was true, though unfamiliar to her. She didn’t know how to handle what she felt, especially in light of the situation they found themselves in. Not only did she not know how it was going to work, she didn’t know if he had any intention of making it work. So she let him go. And that was a terrible thing.

She cried countless nights after she left. She buried herself in work and school and thought about him constantly. She tried to keep moving away, but all she really wanted was to go back.

Fast forward twenty something years. She will never forget the conversation they had. When he asked her what she thought about him back then. She told him, “I really liked you.”

He asked, “I know you said you liked me back then, but how did you REALLY FEEL ABOUT ME?”

The tone of his voice asked for complete honesty and she couldn’t help but tell him truthfully, “I was crazy about you.”

She said it softly. She hoped he wouldn’t hear the earnest tone betraying to him that she still was.

She continued on, “I wanted to be with you, for real. Not just secretly. I loved you… How did you really feel about me?”

She didn’t breathe after she asked that question. She knew his answer would make or break her.

“I wanted to be with you. I loved you.”

He finally told her he had loved her then. And her heart soared. She was astonished, amazed, and flattered. In that very moment, she gave herself over to him and to what she was feeling for him. She had waited twenty years to hear him say he loved her, and when he did, she knew she would never want him to stop.

Heavenly Bodies

As their bodies entwine, everything they feel is spelled out, like tattoos on the skin.

Every comfort, every joy, every passion, the only things they wear when they are naked together are their hearts on their arms.

They are home to each other. Beautiful beyond anything or anyone else. There is safety and trust. There is gratitude and happiness. Exclusivity and pride in the other is in each touch of their skin on the other’s.

He is her One, her Only. And she is his. There isn’t any way around it. There is no denying it. There is nothing better than the connection they share and the chemistry they make together. Volatile in passion and eagerness, crucial but never critical.

They really are perfect for one another. It’s written on their skin, their hearts, in the stars, and on their souls.

One and the same.

Always.

Forever.

Infinitely.

Love eternally.

The Room

July 3, 2016

She fell in love with him all over again. Something about being in bed with him dozing next to her made her melt. Laying her head on his chest as she was nodding off, was intimate and beautiful and reminded her of when he used to be able to stay.

Eating a meal together, watching TV, It was all so… PERFECT. The only way it could have been better is if he could have stayed the night.

It makes her want every day and every night with him that much more. Loving him down, giving him all of it, and accepting whatever he give her.

He makes her swoon. She can’t stop smiling. She is his: now, then, always, forever.